Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
