my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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