your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
