what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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