Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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