At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
