Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
