This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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