One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
