I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
