You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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