We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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