Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
