Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
