Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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