I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
