You made me cry and you don't even care
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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