On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
