I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
