ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
