Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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