Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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