it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
