so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
