I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
