so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
