Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
