Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
