How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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