they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
