After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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