too bad you live with your parents still
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
