I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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