just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
