I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
