why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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