I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
