Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
