So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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