If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
