I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
