i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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