If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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