i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
