my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
