Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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