its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
