Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
