he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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