the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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