I don't usually arrange sex via text message
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
