I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
