Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
