So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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